He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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