omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
