I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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