Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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