We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
