On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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