i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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