If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
