I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im holly from the hills drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
