look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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