Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
