I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
