Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
