Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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