I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
