I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
