My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
