I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
