I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
