man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
