I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
