Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
