im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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