you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
