girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
