turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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