i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
