Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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