How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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