Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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