is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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