Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
