I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My vagina just recognized that song.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
