I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
