I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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