Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
