oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
