You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
