U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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