I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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