Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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