Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
