There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
