Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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