i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
