Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
