i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
