my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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