he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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