i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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