she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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